Pay Dirt

 

This is the quest

the mother lode

discovery the game, an obsession,

searching for the prize,

the shinning bright approach to

eureka

 

don’t be fooled by

fool’s gold

apply the acid test—

you must be certain

pay dirt is not enough

 

a nugget can be exposed

or sublimely hidden

until rendered and marked

pure

proofed by sluicing the stream of

pretenders

shake the mix

carefully analyze

separate the chaff

avoid another duffer

 

a bounder goes to the

prepared, the persistent,

the lucky

who are homeward bound with

color

 

 

Parts List

 

Are you putting me on

is there a take-out menu

a progressive maintenance program–

like new parts every few years?

 

There is, you may know, an easy to use

Parts Renewal Calculator to take the guess work

out of replacements.

Just fill-in your numbers,

calculate,

use the Table to select and order—

we make it easy-breezy

in a jiffy you’ll be like new.

 

PARTS RENEWAL CALCULATOR

 

age X stress level(1-5 being highest)/[serum cholesterol

 

+ systolic blood pressure] X

 

[average number of hours sleep per night/number of alcoholic

drinks per day] X

 

diastolic blood pressure/BMI X

 

number of servings of fruit and vegetables per day/resting

pulse rate /

 

time to walk one mile X 1/year of last colonoscopy X

 

the square root of the combined ages of parents at the time of

death.

 

This results in a fraction to be plugged into the following

 

Table.

 

TABLE FOR INTERPRETATION OF THE CALCULATION

 

Range

<0.1-0.3        Select from Column A

0.31-0.5         Select from Column B

0.51-0.7+       Select from Column C

 

Column A                     Column B                    Column C

Stents                          Knees, Hips                 Rods, nails,

Defibrillators                 Shoulders                   Screws, staples

Heart Valves                 Bone and vein grafts     Plates, clips

Heart by-pass grafts      Skin, nerves                 Prostheses

Hearts, lungs, livers       Teeth                           Tendons

Kidneys, pancreas,                                            Cartilage

Bone marrow, stem cells

Intestine, thymus

 

 

Don’t be cowed; this is a studied, scientific approach

to quantify the need for scheduling

new(some refurbished) parts

while simultaneously improving your bionic index.

 

You ask for supporting evidence and references

to which we say look in the mirror

be shocked and simultaneously

grateful

someone is trying to cover your backside

alternatively, use two mirrors.

 

Just about anything can be swapped out–

our motto is Responsible Replacements

backed by the best in the West repo system.

 

The queue is far flung

so don’t be long

or late or hate your fate

so much in play

this is the day

to get it done, don’t delay.

 

Do it now, or pay more later (thanks BRAM oil filter)

 

Whether from column A, B or C

choose a nip or tuck

        maybe a knee

 

Remember, the Parts Renewal Calculator is scientifically

valid so don’t let fear or parts anxiety

keep you from fulfilling destiny’s call—

get a new part or two or eureka, go for them all

 

new organs and joints

serve well into the future

you could be a poet

 

Order from:

 

Part with that Part

78 Reconstruction Drive

Take-Out, TN  00000