Grey squirrels, sciurus carolinensis, can be a breed of trouble, especially when they are studying on your backyard bird feeders. In general, if you feed birds, you feed squirrels. In the abstract, I have nothing against squirrels; specifically however, when they are feasting at my bird feeders, birds can’t find a seat and I feel like a nut.

I suspect most birders have tried every kind of hair-brained idea to fight back against these cute diabolical tormentors. I have tried baffles to block them; greased feeder poles to thwart climbing; hanging feeders from high limbs, moth balls, cayenne pepper–the bottom line, none of it works. The devious critters sit on their hind quarters, study the problem and test alternatives. Given that they are persistent, inventive, tough, acrobatic and hungry, and also have it out for me, they defeat all of my efforts. Furthermore, when I wave my arms at them and yell, I feel like an idiot, and I am positive they have come to the same conclusion. Just to rub it in, they scold me from heights I don’t dare even dream of.

After serious, dense thought and calculation, I hung a feeder from a high limb with twenty feet of #16 gauge galvanized steel wire. The feeder is far enough from the tree trunk that a lateral jump is not feasible and more than six feet off the ground making a vertical jump questionable. It is far enough from the bird bath to discourage taking off from there. So the question is whether they can negotiate almost twenty feet of very thin wire; the answer is no for most squirrels, but one did the high wire act, so I am keeping my money in my pocket.

I thought I had hit on the ultimate strategy; I call it T&T–trap and transport. I could borrow our neighbor’s Havahart trap which would allow me to catch, transport and release my little adversaries for a bon appetite elsewhere. I had a great wooded paradise picked out for the whole lot of them. Then I discovered that trapping and transporting is illegal, so it is just one more idea gone to ground.

I am now trying long cylindrical tubes, closed at the top end, which fit around the feeder poles. The nursery and feed store guys assure me this is the ticket to make the birds happy and the squirrels look for other pickings. I remain wary however, since I believe the squirrels are at least as clever as I think I am and whoever designed this latest gadget. However, I don’t want to harm them, so I have to find a way to convince them to eat other offerings–a bon appetite for both fur and feather. I wish myself luck.